gagal lagi

gagal lagi.
mungkin kifarah pada dosa2 lalu.mungkin kenyataan pada apa yg di ungkap dulu.mungkin realiti pada yg diidam kalbubenar kata- kata itu satu doadan benar benar menjadi nyata.maafaku pernah tersilap katadulu pandangan aku berbedadulu aku tidak serupamasa mengubah segalanya  harap masa mengubah nasib ku juameneguh cinta kitadengan kehadiran nya.

wifey material

i thought i am happy with my life now . 
yes i am until today,
 he got all the bullet point. yes he is right may be always right.
 but in the end of the day it just me. 
i m not good wifey material.
 i give all the best i can. but never great enough i guess.   sooner or later he might be bored or sick with my attitude. 
yeah he will eventually. he already does. 
i cant change much i tend to forgot. 
sometimes i just spoke without think n later i regret. 
ya, i clumsy like dat. i cut my hand, i tear my leg, i burn my arm. thats me. 
i ll never change. 
but a long the way marriage life made me realize i m repeating other mistake that i swear last time i will not ever do. 

 i guess it just the life cycle. same as butterfly. from caterpillar ( ugly ) at first later become beautiful butterfly. but i still can't see the beauty part of it. hope that in the end will be great. but now i didn't for seen that. 

i lost everything now even my self & my freedom. when he say i didn't respect him. that tore my heart apart.  this is like my alarm bell.

 i can't think straight now. i am in between life n death.
 i do love him a lot. & he my world now. 
but they say we can't love people so much. it will hurt us.'
so i pay my price now. 
i m really broken. 

life ain't no fairy tales

when i was a kid, i tend to believe all love end with marriages & live happily ever after.

then i grew up, i observe around me. there ain't no fairy tales. 

i decide i don't want to get married. 

then, Allah have better plan for me. 

Alhamdulillah i am happily married. 

but life ain't fairy tales. 

just friendly reminder to my self. 

my kind of family

when we ( my siblings and i ) grew up, my mom & my dad teach me how to  thing independently. 

now we' re getting older, and independent.

however, my mom & my dad still around to support  us when we needed.

i m not claimed, we were super happily ever after type of families.

but, 

family will be around when we needed!

thanks being a part of me.

thanks for being my families.

mama & baba.

compromise

22 days of happiness.

people keep asking me how my  marriage life going on?

erm

i m doing fine, with little adjustment here & there.

opps

we re doing fine.

i do comprised this time.

a lot.

11 days of happiness

i was wrong before.

about the whole idea of getting married & being in marriage.

and 11 days i learn that not what in your mind, is always right.

Alhamdulillah.

i am a happy wife.

typical

2 weeks to go for my so called big day where i will end my full freedom. 

but some refer to victory cos you're already taken. ( for me, my full freedom will be taken from me.)

well hey, we not gonna talk bout my freedom for this post.

hurm, i just hate what i shouldn't been listening to ; i m not yet married until 31st January 2015.

So technically i m still single until that day.

yet 

people, they keep asking/provoke me with those so called silly stupid question or statement:

- cepat cepat dapat baby, jangan plan

- subur ko ni

- ha last period ni?

- jangan planning

- buat baby cepat

- bunting pelamin

- ko ni 'tut' mesti mengandung cepat!

i m tired people! give me a break, i've been through a lot of emotion planning for the wedding, up and down thinking whether he is the one for me. 

can't you see people?

you made thing tough for me.

decision to get married is one big thing for me, decision who to be married with is also a challenge.

decision to have baby? when i  don't even SAH in married yet ??

you people

so typical.